Tuesday, March 07, 2006

It's scary away from work.. Stockholm Syndrome?

Yes, after 8 years of complaining that I really should find a job that's a better fit for me, something that will allow my creative side to develop.. And just general anquished complaints about how corporate America is not the right fit for a girl raised by hippies and various step-parents in psychedelic VW bugs.. Where was I going with this? OOh yeah, I finally have a glimmer of the freedom I've been dying for.. As I sit waiting for my doctor's appointment tomorrow to give me the ok to return to work.. But I don't feel free at all.. I think I've forgotten what being free means.. I think I was 5 years old the last time I remembered.. Does that mean I'll never be free again? Nah, I think it means a 2 day reprieve from work does not a free woman make. Freedom really is a state of mind. My freedom throughout my incarceration, er, 8 year term at work has always been my running. I put my 42 hours a week into my job, but the dream of running personal records in races always propelled me forward, prevented me from feeling like my soul was not my own.. Running in races brought me to new countries, new neighborhoods, new worlds.. Physically transported me from my excruciatingly routine life to somewhere better.. Somewhere where people were excited about their accomplishments, excited to see what their bodies were able to do.. Excited to show off their hard labour.. And training for a race is one of the most taxing experiences you can have in this life.. Try running 6 times a mile on a track in 6:41 pace with only a 1 minute rest in between.. Well, I couldn't run more than an 11 minute mile when I first started running, and to just string 2 of them together took me a full month. Now I can run 13 of them back to back at a 7:05 pace per mile. Running saved my life, gave me some focus .. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so out of sorts now.. The doc said no running.. Ah, it's good to change your routine now and then.. Gives you a chance to try other stuff, like blogging..


TrappedInColorado said...

I started, or tried to start, running for the first time a couple of months ago. I just started enjoying it when my legs started tingling at random times. Turns out I was compressing my spine causing some minor nerve compression. Bummer. New (expensive) running shoes collecting dust. You don't wear size 11 running shoes by chance do you? Free shipping!

Isn't excercise fantastic! That endorphine high keeps me coming back for more and more.

Many races here including the Bolder Boulder. Come on out!


~Deb said...

As a personal friend of yours…I have to say how proud I am of you for your determination and persistence with running. You’ve raced for good causes, you’ve raced for charities and you’ve raced for the mere sake of finding yourself and focusing on what your body’s capable of doing.

I remember every evening at 5pm, we would get off of work together, and you would head straight into the bathroom ~cricket~ and change into your running attire. I always thought to myself, “I wish I had that much determination as she did.” You inspired me; which led me to work out at the gym 2 hours per day…(at that time!) … And once again, you still inspire me to keep going. With all my heart palpitations, it’s so hard for me to run like I used to, so I have to resort to something as vigorous without that intense impact though.

One day----I know I will see you in the Olympics. Even if people Googled your name……they would see how many races you’ve been to. It’s like counting how many beers I have had in a lifetime. TOO many to count!

You go girl! Not only are you talented in your running capacity, but your writing/art AND music is incredible.

I just love everything about you! I do…

I hope you feel better. Please let me know if you need any help re: the doctor's or anything.

Mike said...

I think Deb just wants to go to the doctor with you again to see the 'hawt' doc....lol

I was a lot more active when I was younger...now if you see me running don't be blocking the bathroom!

Romeo Jensen said...

OMGaaawd I'd die if I couldnt run!
In the summer the guys and I try to run 5 miles a day. In the winter (when we can) we only get 1 or 2 miles in... just isnt the time... not safe (even for us) to jog throught the park after dark

hope things improve and you can get back out there

~Deb said...

Okay... Trapped and Romey are trying to ~relate~ here with the running...while me and Mikey are just trying to relieve our bladders with our 'runs'...oooooweeeee, our 'runs'? That sounds really bad.

Anyway, yes, maybe I do want to see that HAWT doc, howevA~ ~ ~ I want to go in for an EKG so she can lube me up and stick those little patches all over me. Yeah!

Okay. Sorry. That was just way too much info on this blog.

I'm outa here.

Over and out.

~Deb said...

I hear crickets.

~Deb said...

I have a question for you.

Click here please.

Please answer honestly.


~Deb said...

Toots...I think someone needs your encouragement.

Click here!

TrappedInColorado said...

Hey, Tamar. The last time you visited Deb, did you go into her medicine cabinet and replace her meds with sugar pills?

Leesa said...

Wow, what a wonderful entry. I change jobs every few years because of boredom.

tamar said...

Hi Everyone! Wow, this is great.. I've been complaining for a few years now that I have no friends, and now I have a whole SLEW of them! I don't even care if Deb is paying you all, I still love you guys.. ;-)

~Trapped.. why ARE you trapped? I'm sorry about that nerve stuff.. Always check w a good sports doctor before starting a running program.. Maybe you just need orthotics.. I ran the bolder boulder.. really cool.. 1991..I was so slow then!

~Deb THANK you for always encouraging me in everything.. You're the younger nurturing mama I never had.. Poor Benita.. And her damn crappy little pineapple, remember that?? RE 'click here'.. ?? WE'LL TALK LATER..

~Mike.. your little photo always makes me smile, 'running to the bathroom'! sometimes that's a workout, too.. yeah, I saw miss yvette again today (my nurse practitioner, they won't give her the doctor title til she forks over a few grand more..).. she was all dressed up again in some retro disco outfit.. deb would have LOVED it!

~Romeo I'm surprised you have time to run with your busy lovelife.. But yeah, it is really sad when I can't run.. I got out today and felt so great to just be able to run again, I nearly kissed the ground..

~Leesa thank you for the positive feedback! I wish I had the guts to change my job ever few years, that sounds like the sanest solution.. But then there really are benefits to be gained for sticking with something that seems tough.. other lessons to be learned.. sometimes it's just abusive though, and you need to know when to get out..

Jon said...

Well I'm impressed. I don't know if I am fortunate or unfortunate that I have horrible knees. No running for this guy... unless that includes chasing after you. I just know if I caught you it would be because you wanted to be caught ;)

A lady I worked with until recently is a big runner. She won the Pikes Peak Marathon. There weren't too many people that thought she could do it. It sounds like you are the same determined type as Cindy.

Blogging is a good thing to do, butI am sure your body is telling you not to stay still for too long. I know how you runners are.

Do what you love

Madelene Rose said...

ure an amazing runner! I'm impressed :)