Wednesday, June 20, 2007


Someone finally took pity on me and arranged for the call center where I work to be closed down due to 'restructuring'. I've known about this for about a year, and couldn't believe my good fortune when they made the announcement during an unexpected staff meeting. I had to contain my glee, as this was not good news to all the employees.. Strangely, I've discovered that complaining vehemently on a daily basis about every aspect of your job does not mean that you have any desire to find a new one. For me though, this was the get-out-of- jail-free card I'd been waiting for. Papa kicking baby bird out of the nest, uncle sam doling out some free cash for six months.. What more could a creative dreamer who wanted to save the world and win an olympic medal ask for? Now I could get down to the business of REALLY living my life, no longer stifled by the barriers of a soul-sapping customer service job.
Two weeks into freedom, I'm perplexed as to why I'm behaving as though this is one long weekend.. I will start that new project of designing a drama program for AIDS orphans in Africa on Monday; I will draw the outline of my graphic novel chronicling the struggles to deal with anxiety disorders during my family vacation after the Ellen show; OK, maybe these projects are too big.. I could start off with something really basic yet useful in getting started.. I will just trace someone else's comic to get the feel for correct human anatomy, something I'll need for my novel.. That exercise lasts 5 minutes.. Someone calls, and before you know it, Ellen is back on, and g-d forbid I miss her conversation with 88 yr-old Gladys.. So I consult with some friends.. Writer's block is normal.. Don't worry about it.. Enjoy your time off.. Good advise, but it's hard to enjoy my time off when I'm not doing what I've promised myself I'd do as soon as I left this job that I've struggled with for the past ten years.. But I've been feeling some dizzy spells, so for now, I can abandon both Ellen and the quest for changing the world.. Can't do none of that with dizziness in the repertoire.. So off I go to the doctor's office.. Going to the doctor is always a reminder of my issues with commitment.. I go to this health hub for walk-ins.. You never get the same doctor, and I've always liked that.. This way you can't form any attachments to someone who may not be there in the future.. I had very little faith that they would be able to diagnose my dizziness, as I seem to get it once a year, and they don't really know what it is, and then it just goes away.. But a new doctor walked into my room, and she was just perfect! She read my whole history with the hub, and just seemed to be more commited to getting rid of my malady.. She even gave me a script for at-home glucose testing. That really gelled my faith in her.. Wow, she's going to have me jab a lancet in my finger twice a day- she must really like me! After getting my huge bag-o-blood-letting kit, I realized I may need a little one-on-one instruction for this.. The pharmacist was extremely obliging.. She even asked me if I wanted her to demonstrate on herself! I didn't really think that would help me overcome my own fear of doing it, so I declined, but did allow her to witness me making mini-jabs in my fingers.. How do people do this everyday, I can't imagine.. I wasn't very good at it, and the two of us had to put a chokehold on the pricked finger to extract enough blood to give a reading.. After six tries, we succeeded.. It was really a nice bonding experience with Kathy the pharmacist.. After that, I had to go to the post office.. I had some envelopes with photos in them, and wasn't sure if I put enough postage on them.. I had the clerk weigh them.. He was this really nice, stoic Asian man whom I've seen over the years.. After each one was weighed, he was really flustered that I had put too much postage on each of the three letters.. He was kind of laughing and blushing.. 'You are donating to the US Postal Service!' He really felt bad for me.. I guess I shouldn't squander my money now that I'm unemployed.. Wow, I really don't take after my mother in that respect.. Whenever postage costs increase, instead of buying new stamps, she puts a full stamp and then tears another stamp in half and puts that on there too.. I told her they will return her mail, but she swears they never have..
So today, having a feeling of accomplishment and social connectedness with the community, I feel was a good day. Maybe tomorrow I'll save the world.