Wednesday, June 20, 2007


Someone finally took pity on me and arranged for the call center where I work to be closed down due to 'restructuring'. I've known about this for about a year, and couldn't believe my good fortune when they made the announcement during an unexpected staff meeting. I had to contain my glee, as this was not good news to all the employees.. Strangely, I've discovered that complaining vehemently on a daily basis about every aspect of your job does not mean that you have any desire to find a new one. For me though, this was the get-out-of- jail-free card I'd been waiting for. Papa kicking baby bird out of the nest, uncle sam doling out some free cash for six months.. What more could a creative dreamer who wanted to save the world and win an olympic medal ask for? Now I could get down to the business of REALLY living my life, no longer stifled by the barriers of a soul-sapping customer service job.
Two weeks into freedom, I'm perplexed as to why I'm behaving as though this is one long weekend.. I will start that new project of designing a drama program for AIDS orphans in Africa on Monday; I will draw the outline of my graphic novel chronicling the struggles to deal with anxiety disorders during my family vacation after the Ellen show; OK, maybe these projects are too big.. I could start off with something really basic yet useful in getting started.. I will just trace someone else's comic to get the feel for correct human anatomy, something I'll need for my novel.. That exercise lasts 5 minutes.. Someone calls, and before you know it, Ellen is back on, and g-d forbid I miss her conversation with 88 yr-old Gladys.. So I consult with some friends.. Writer's block is normal.. Don't worry about it.. Enjoy your time off.. Good advise, but it's hard to enjoy my time off when I'm not doing what I've promised myself I'd do as soon as I left this job that I've struggled with for the past ten years.. But I've been feeling some dizzy spells, so for now, I can abandon both Ellen and the quest for changing the world.. Can't do none of that with dizziness in the repertoire.. So off I go to the doctor's office.. Going to the doctor is always a reminder of my issues with commitment.. I go to this health hub for walk-ins.. You never get the same doctor, and I've always liked that.. This way you can't form any attachments to someone who may not be there in the future.. I had very little faith that they would be able to diagnose my dizziness, as I seem to get it once a year, and they don't really know what it is, and then it just goes away.. But a new doctor walked into my room, and she was just perfect! She read my whole history with the hub, and just seemed to be more commited to getting rid of my malady.. She even gave me a script for at-home glucose testing. That really gelled my faith in her.. Wow, she's going to have me jab a lancet in my finger twice a day- she must really like me! After getting my huge bag-o-blood-letting kit, I realized I may need a little one-on-one instruction for this.. The pharmacist was extremely obliging.. She even asked me if I wanted her to demonstrate on herself! I didn't really think that would help me overcome my own fear of doing it, so I declined, but did allow her to witness me making mini-jabs in my fingers.. How do people do this everyday, I can't imagine.. I wasn't very good at it, and the two of us had to put a chokehold on the pricked finger to extract enough blood to give a reading.. After six tries, we succeeded.. It was really a nice bonding experience with Kathy the pharmacist.. After that, I had to go to the post office.. I had some envelopes with photos in them, and wasn't sure if I put enough postage on them.. I had the clerk weigh them.. He was this really nice, stoic Asian man whom I've seen over the years.. After each one was weighed, he was really flustered that I had put too much postage on each of the three letters.. He was kind of laughing and blushing.. 'You are donating to the US Postal Service!' He really felt bad for me.. I guess I shouldn't squander my money now that I'm unemployed.. Wow, I really don't take after my mother in that respect.. Whenever postage costs increase, instead of buying new stamps, she puts a full stamp and then tears another stamp in half and puts that on there too.. I told her they will return her mail, but she swears they never have..
So today, having a feeling of accomplishment and social connectedness with the community, I feel was a good day. Maybe tomorrow I'll save the world.


Mike said...

Hi, Tamar. Congratulations on your unemployment! Glad to see that you've already used it to get back to your blogging. With your government stipend you can really have a lot of fun and discover what you truly want to get in to. But, to remind you of what Bob would the key. Of course, what I say is, well, at least SOME discipline, from time to time!

Congrats on that speedy 1 mile time...your training methods must be paying off. I've had some good races...age group seconds at Ridgewood and Bronx Hall of Fame 5ks and a first at Giant Stadium 5K. And it's always fun to have those things to write about.

Regards, Mike

Jon said...

I'm sorry you're unemployed, but glad you are gone from that employer.

What other fun is in your agenda?

nikrat said...

Wow, Tamar...that had me in stitches. The bonding experience with Kathy, chokehold on the finger...felt like I was reading your graphic novel. What happens next?


tamar said...

mike~ congrats on all your fast times! I think everyone from GNY, or any city running club agrees that nothing is more uplifting than running fast times.. Thanks for the reminder from Coach B. I was thinking about discipline today in fact during my run; Thinking that if I just add a little more structure to my day, I can get some real stuff done.. Thanks for the reminder!

jon~ hey! It's all good, really.. I'm kind of taking things one day at a time, allowing the natural flow of life to be experienced.. Something an 'employed' person never gets to feel..

nikrat~ thank-you! what happens next.. I'll send you the book in ten years when it's complete! :-)
(I wonder how long it took Sacco to get all those drawings together? How long did it take you to do your onion/Donovan drawings? That was AWESOME, do you still have that? I'd love to see that again..)

~Deb said...

I know the "hub" you speak of. I remember one particular doctor that practices there. Yep. Her. *BIG SMILES*

I'm sorry about work, but you know when I left there, I was like, WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO! That place can really suck the life out of you. And, not to scare you, but do you remember when I was getting all those dizzy spells while working there? We sat in the same area and I would come over to your cubicle and complain about severe dizzy spells that scared me? Something was weird when I worked there. I went to the doctor and he said I had vertigo. I was hoping it wasn't that huge ass tower that sits above the hill, right aside of the building. Hmm. I heard some stories about that one! I'm sure you have too.

Anyway, if you're writing a book, and I'm writing a book right now, I think the both of us should head over to a cafe and write our little hearts out. Whaddya' think? Two authors goofin' off not getting a single thing done?

I hope you're doing ok. Call me if you need anything! Sorry I haven't been around much----things have been crazy here.

Love you sista tootz!

~Deb said...

P.S. I'd be more than willing to prick ya. (The blood test Tamar....the blood test.)

tamar said...

So nice to see/hear you!! I thought of you the whole time I was at that little hub.. But you would have LOVED the new doctor, so on the ball! Oh, I would love to rent office space at a local cafe with you to complete our books.. No, I didn't hear about that tower, but the dizziness started only my last day of work.. Hmmm, see what's gonna' happen here..
Let's talk soon!

~Deb said...

Your dizzy with the excitement of being FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (I ran outa' there like a bat outa' hell when I left!)

We need a nice cafe, a double espresso, our laptops and we can write our lil' hearts out!

Let me know! :D

Jon said...

I was hoping with all this new found time on your hands we would hear from you more. What gives?

Just_because_today said...

so, where is all that time going? I'm looking forward to more posts.

~Deb said...

~*~see wassgonna happen here~*~


WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUU??? And I hope to GAWD you are not running in this heat my dear.

Come backkkkkkk Tamarrrrrrrr!

Miss & love you! xxoo

~Deb said...

HA! Jon looks like me at a bar!

tamar said...

~deb, jon, just because today: thanks for visiting/checking up.. I'm here, just not on the computer as much as most of my writing is offline. Hope you're all doing great.. Let's have a big get together, just the 4 of us! :-)

TeeJay said...

I'm rally lazy about the stamps thinmg too, Tamar. When it recently went up to 41 cents, I put two 39s on envelopes until I ran out rather than buy 2 cent stamps. Donating to Uncle Same, yep, that's me. :(

tamar said...

teejay~ I know what you mean, if it's less than a quarter, it's not worth any effort fussing over.. My mother used to yell at me when I'd sweep up the floor, and throw out any chump change in the dustpan..