Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Vexatious Requester

The office of vital records in Hawaii is getting inundated with repeat requests from parties with ulterior motives for copies of the birth certificate for Barack Hussein Obama II. The state is looking into putting a two year restriction for receiving governmental records to individuals who make the same request more than once.
Can I adapt this ruling for my own personal use? Maybe it's the pedagogue in me, but I feel there has to be a reasonable limit to the time given to grasp a new concept. After all, there is such an enormous body of knowledge expected of us humans to incorporate into our social constructs, that we have little time to waste dwelling on the concepts that elude us. We can change the language of the ruling to restrict offenders to a two year ban from further contact with me, at least in regards to the issue in question.
So without further ado, here is my top-five wish list of people who would benefit (in my favor) from this restriction:

5. My favorite radio station- I'm sorry, your membership drives are driving me insane. I realize listener support is what keeps your station commercial free, but why do paying members have to be subjected to the two week long round-the-clock request for new members?

4. People on the street telling me to gain weight (!)
I know, this is a weird one. It doesn't sound all that offensive at first, but trust me, when a stranger approaches you and suggests you gain weight- rather than compliment your amazingly toned runner's legs- it just takes the wind out of your sails. (As my old friend Dick Vincent used to say, 'If I look emaciated, that means I'm running well.') Still. Two years, NO SOUP FOR YOU!! (maybe a little more for me)

3. My friend Mike the Pervert- caveman comments when viewing new Facebook photos of me. Come on now, you've been warned enough over the past ten years. Grow up!

2. The man on a street somewhere whose chants vibrate through my apartment every night with the words, 'Glory, glory, hallelujah, I love you! I love you! I love you!'
You've been doing this for two years. Time to take the act downtown.

1. And the number one repeat offender- you guessed it- those pesky people who just don't get it! Despite multiple blog stories of my low tolerance for social exchanges during strenuous runs, people are still coming up to me and asking for directions! In Central Park, where there are hundreds of leisurely walking bodies, just waiting for an opportunity to assist! Double fines for offenses committed during a race.

10 comments:

Deb said...

Can I just say: ONE OF MY FAVORITE POSTS OF YOURS! I absolutely love when you get angry or-----"PASSIONATE" for a lack of better words. I loved how you expressed yourself, your thoughts--question is--will the "pervert" read this? I hope so. And also, people don't seem to realize that just because you are thin, does NOT mean you do not eat. Your metabolism is THROUGH the roof and your running is what keeps that ticker of yours in shape, which also enables you to eat everything. I know, I've seen you eat. :) You make the most delicious food! Unfortunately, I gain from eating at your place! (heh)

Anyway, GREAT blog post today! I'll be in your neck of the woods in April, care to go out for lunch or dinner? Miss you!!!

tamar said...

Aw shucks ;-)
Hi Deb! Thank you so much for the positive feedback. You know, I really wasn't even very angry at all, I just loved the term 'vexatious requester' and tried to build a post around it. I couldn't even come up with 10 complaints as I'd wanted to! (Dave Letterman would be appalled).
I would love to see you, please email the details.

Deb said...

I mean, "passionate" as opposed to anger. :) But the post was really really great!

I will email you and let you know when I'm heading back down there! xo

tamar said...

deb~ the city is just starting to warm up now too, you'll have more fun than last time

paz13 said...

Tamar: Loved the list. Only wish it was a top 10 instead of 5. Very creative and interesting to read.

Kevin

tamar said...

kevin~ thanks, I know- 10 complaints is the norm, but honestly, I struggled with coming up with 5! I haven't experienced too much redundance in my life, I guess- either that or I have an unusual amount of patience :-)
What would be your #1 for a list like this?

paz13 said...

Tamar: That's a difficult question. I guess at the top of my list would be people being unkind to other people, whatever the reason.

Kevin

Just_because_today said...

Tamar, this is so great and funny that I dont even have a comment because anything I write will be lame compared to the humor you injected in this post.

tamar said...

kevin~ amen to that, I too greatly value the attribute of kindness

just~ really? come on, you're very funny yourself! But living in Manhattan definitely gives a person lots of material

Clement said...

vexatious |vekˈsā sh əs|
adjective
causing or tending to cause annoyance, frustration, or worry : the vexatious questions posed by software copyrights.
• Law denoting an action or the bringer of an action that is brought without sufficient grounds for winning, purely to cause annoyance to the defendant.

but two years seems a little excessive...

forgive |fərˈgiv|
verb ( past -gave ; past part. -given ) [ trans. ]
stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake : I don't think I'll ever forgive David for the way he treated her